


Not Strong Enough

by Sivan325, SivanShemesh (Sivan325)



Series: 9-1-1 Events 2021 [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crying, Eddie Diaz Week 2021 (9-1-1 TV), Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, only mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29902233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sivan325/pseuds/Sivan325, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sivan325/pseuds/SivanShemesh
Summary: He took the bare minimum of time off after her death, not allowing himself to grieve properly, preferring instead to throw himself into work to try to keep his mind of his loss. People deal with death in different ways and this was his.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 9-1-1 Events 2021 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192544
Kudos: 36





	Not Strong Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own 9-1-1, I only playing.
> 
> Thank you to - [novemberhush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/novemberhush/pseuds/novemberhush) for beta-reading.
> 
> \--
> 
> **Day 6** : _“I don’t think I’m strong enough.” + faith_

After Shannon's death Eddie tried to be enough for his son. He missed Shannon, and he couldn’t help thinking he wasn’t strong enough to bring up Christopher alone.

He took the bare minimum of time off after her death, not allowing himself to grieve properly, preferring instead to throw himself into work to try to keep his mind of his loss. People deal with death in different ways and this was his.

Buck knew Eddie had always been brave, never afraid to walk through fire if someone was in danger, but after Shannon’s death he noticed Eddie becoming more reckless, pushing himself harder, always the first to spring into action, often without waiting for Bobby’s orders or for his team to have his back. Eddie justified it as knowing what needed to be done and simply doing it, but Buck felt there was something more behind it.

“Cap, Eddie’s already inside,” Buck said to Bobby at the scene of their latest rescue. He’d just witnessed his best friend walk into the burning house seemingly without a care in the world and he was worried about him. “Cap, what should we do?” he asked Bobby.

“Help Hen with the hose, we don’t need the house collapsing on him while he’s searching for anyone inside. I don’t need you joining him either. One maverick on the team is enough right now,” Bobby replied, trying to remain stoic, but Buck could tell he was worried about Eddie as well.

Minutes later, Eddie came out with a child in his arms, giving the child over to Chim to be checked over and then quickly heading inside again.

Buck shot Eddie a worried look when he came out again, this time with a man, one of the guy’s arms thrown around Eddie’s shoulder as he helped him outside.

“There’s another adult inside,” Eddie informed Buck. “Take him, I’ll be right back,” he said before turning on his heel and dashing back inside, Buck desperately hoping he would make it out safely and not have to go back in again.

“Is there anyone else in there?” Bobby asked Eddie when he appeared again, helping a woman out of the burning building.

“I only saw these guys, but I can take another quick look,” Eddie replied.

“No, Eddie, it’s fine, thanks,” Bobby said. “Why don’t you rest for a while, you looked drained,” he suggested.

“No, I’m good, Cap, I can do it,” Eddie said as he hurried back inside the house to take another quick look.

“Cap, you shouldn’t let him go inside again, he looks tired,” Buck said, watching the house with worried eyes, praying it wouldn’t collapse with Eddie inside.

When Eddie finally stumbled out he was coughing and sank to the sidewalk as if his legs refused to hold him up any longer. Buck rushed over to his side, grabbing him and holding on for dear life.

“Eddie, you need to rest, buddy. There’s no need to exhaust yourself like this at the beginning of the shift,” Buck told him softly.

“I’m okay, I’m okay, you can go join the rest,” Eddie assured him, clearly trying to get him off his back.

“No, Eddie, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I know you want to be the big lone wolf hero after the stunt you just pulled, but I won’t join the rest. I want to stay right here with you,” Buck said with what he hoped was a comforting smile.

“That was a hard call, Eddie, but you and I need to have a long talk back at the station,” Bobby told him, coming over to where they were while the others were packing up their gear.

“Come on, buddy, let’s go,” Buck said, helping him up. He handed Eddie a bottle of water he’d grabbed from the truck earlier and stashed in his coat pocket, expecting Eddie to be thirsty when he got out of the house. He waited as Eddie gulped the whole thing down and then they walked back to the truck together.

When they got back to the station, Bobby talked to Eddie, as he’d said he would. Buck hoped that whatever Bobby said to him would make Eddie less uncaring about his own safety out in the field. Later, when the shift was over, Buck accompanied Eddie to his house.

“I wanted to talk with you alone, Eddie, away from the station and the others. I didn’t want to worry them,” Buck explained when they got inside the Diaz home.

“Well, we’re home now and we’re alone, what did you want to talk about?” Eddie asked.

“Well, I guess we should start with your behaviour on our first call today,” Buck replied, walking closer, right into Eddie’s space. “What did you think you were doing? Running into a burning building alone like that, not waiting for backup or Bobby’s orders. You have a son, you need to be there for him.”

“I know! You think I don’t know that?!” Eddie yelled, but quickly deflated once the words were out. Dropping on to the couch, obviously drained after the day’s events and everything else he’d gone through the past few months, he broke down, a soft “I don’t think I’m strong enough,” slipping out of him between sobs and breaking Buck’s heart.

Buck sat down beside him and pulled him to him, hugging him tight. “You are stronger than anyone I know, Eddie.”

“I’m… I’m not…” Eddie said as he cried his soul out to his best friend. “I’m not a strong man.”

“Eddie,” Buck said, releasing him from the hug, “you are the strongest man I know. You shouldn’t underestimate yourself this way. You have a son that worships you, you have the 118, and you have me. We are your family.”

“I have you?” Eddie asked tentatively.

“Yes, you have me, Eddie,” Buck replied, brushing his hand over Eddie’s wet face as he tried to wipe his tears away. “You always have me,”

“You’re not just saying that because I’m like this, right?” Eddie asked, his voice still shaky.

“No, that’s why I wanted to speak with you alone,” Buck replied. “I have feelings for you, and what you did earlier, I thought something was going to happen to you and I was going to lose you. You can’t do that to me again.”

“You have feelings for me?” Eddie asked like he couldn’t believe it was true.

“I do, but what about you?” Buck asked.

“I do for you too. But I’m not sure I’m ready for anything yet. It feels too soon after Shannon,” Eddie replied.

“Don’t worry, we can take this one step at a time. We’re in no hurry. I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry,” Buck assured him.

Eddie moved closer to Buck, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, not ready for anything more yet but seeming to need the comfort.

When the kiss broke, Buck wrapped Eddie up in his arms, just glad to be close, not needing anything else.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly the way I thought it would happen, but I’ve dreamt of that. Kissing you, I mean,” Eddie confessed.

“You dreamt of kissing me?” Buck asked, unable to stop the small smile that spread across his face and the pure love and joy he was sure were shining from his eyes.

“I did, more than once, but I was always afraid to make the first move, and then Shannon came back and then she died,” Eddie replied. “I’m not strong enough, Buck,” he said again.

“You are, and if I need to say it every day until you believe it then I will. It’s going to be okay, Eddie. You’ll get through this,” Buck told, tone brooking no argument, before kissing his hair.

The End!


End file.
